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Posts Tagged Oguchi Onweyu

OF COURSE! THE U.S. BEATS SPAIN AND AN OIL COMPANY HELPS ANALYZE PLAYER PERFORMANCE!

Castrol GTX May Not Let Your Engine Break Down, But They Know How to Break Down A Game

http://www.strictlyh.com/assets/images/Castrol_GTX_Sludge_lockup_1qt.jpg

In case you weren’t aware, the ever-prescient governing body of soccer has partnered with Castrol GTX to develop the “definitive system” to rate player performance. Not only does it rate performance, but it rates performance objectively! According to a clarifying explanation on the Fifa.com website, the infinitely complex system “tracks every move on the field and assesses whether it has a positive or negative impact on a team’s ability to score or concede a goal.”

Why even watch games anymore when watching games won’t even tell you which players “truly deserve to grab all the headlines”? If you’re as much of a soccer enthusiast as I am, then you simply need to know which players these are! I mean Fernando Torres, David Villa and Kaka in the top three? Who would have thought? Now I look at them in a newly edifying light. They’re so … technologically advanced.

The secret to the revealing analysis lies in the carefully calibrated zones into which the Castrol Index has divided the field. Passes completed into higher-rated zones are worth more “Castrol points.” The same is true for tackles or interceptions in the most advanced or dangerous zones. In other words, Castrol points are brilliantly simple and complex at the same time, kind of like the internal combustion engine.

Why didn’t I think if the Castrol Index? Probably for the same reason I don’t know how to engineer a high-mileage motor oil with “magnetic properties” and “57% better sludge protection than competitive oil.” I wouldn’t even know how to begin measuring that. Science is amazing.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01425/david-villa_1425720c.jpg

Now that such a system exists, I won’t even bother trying to analyze the U.S.-Spain game because I’d probably get it all wrong. Somehow, though, I’ve been lucky enough to get one of the developers of the revolutionary system to be a guest commentator on the semifinal match. So the esteemed Dr. Sludge, who has degrees in both synthetic engineering and soccer statistics, is going to take over from here. You might want to get out your protractors and calculators, though, because Dr. Sludge can get awfully mathematical. Just kidding! Dr. Sludge makes even complex algorithms so easy to digest that he doesn’t even need to explain them because you just know they’re true. Go ahead Dr. Sludge!

Thank you, Thank you. Really, thanks Cyrus for letting me speak with such an adroit and influential soccer audience. Hello Footsmoke.com!

Can I get some epic classical music in the background? Do you have any Brahms? OK. Actually, something a little slower? Heavier? That’s the stuff. Dim the lights. Nice …. Ahem…

“It’s not easy to repel blistering speed. It’s not easy to take on bone-freezing passes. It’s not easy to defy the physical laws of international soccer….

But team U…S…A was not an easy team to develop…

Its synthetic-odometric-enduroefficiency-coverage ensures that it keeps going, even in the 90th minute. Especially in the 90th minute. Because we all know 90th minutes can last lifetimes. And in pressurized conditions like this they can cost games, even lives.

The U.S.’s anti-sludge-combustication-rating ensured that Spain’s pressure couldn’t break its defense down. Stuck together in magnetized-globulated-adhesion (TM), the U.S. defense didn’t crack under even the most extreme Spanish pressure. Its thermo-activated-appendages got between hot Spanish shots and a cracked goalmouth.

Most importantly, the U.S. blocked Spain’s anti-hydro-viscosity-passing-completion-rating from getting too high. And anti-hydro-viscosity-passing-completion-ratings can kill. Obviously.

Also the U.S. had Oguchi Onweyu and Tim Howard.

Thank you.”


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WHAT? THE U.S. EMERGES OUT OF GROUP OF WORLD CUP CLASS

No Heart? I’m All Heart Mother…

*As the U.S. National Team attempts to qualify for the World Cup in 2010, I will write a series of pieces concentrating on the style, or lack of it, of American soccer. See the other three here and here and here.

Lucky? Yeah. Holy shit, yeah. The U.S. got a waist-high boost from Brazil’s 3-0 thrashing of Italy to advance to the semifinal round of the Confederations Cup. But after the grit and determination it showed on Sunday, the team deserves some apologies, some reconsideration.

Before Sunday, most critics wrote the team off as over-classed and under-talented when compared with any good international team. Maybe this is true. But for me watching the U.S. was more disillusioning than revealing. Following the Brazil game, it looked like the tournament was a lost cause, both in determining a more consistent lineup and in spurring any team or individual confidence. While the U.S. showed that it could frustrate good teams, at least for spells, it looked incapable of producing anything like a functional attack. In one of the more hopeless throes of fandom in recent memory, I just hoped for a few linked passes – a shot on goal.

http://usa.worldcupblog.org/files/2008/10/davies.jpg

After Sunday’s performance against Egypt, we can all take a breath from the thick criticism and humming African air. When it needs to, when it has all eleven players on the field at once, the U.S. can attack. As Paul Gardner said in his pro-attacking reaction to the game: “The straightforward lust for goals is something new for this team, a Bob Bradley team. The usual caution had to be abandoned, and many a risk had to be taken.” Risk produced goals.

In addition to risk, the U.S. showed some of the characteristics that have been most persistent and true to the team’s identity over the years – namely perseverance and energy and grit – all of which the U.S. left behind inexplicably in its first two games. These are some of the principles on which the good ole U.S.A was founded, or so I’ve heard. And in the sports realm they are obvious and unifying. In large part, they represent one reason why I like watching the U.S. play. Usually I know that whichever team the U.S. plays, it will play that opponent hard – maybe too hard – with so much feist and defensive spirit that its opponent won’t have the time or space to work any of its exotic magic. At its best, the U.S. energy creates a different game, one that must be played a faster-than-normal pace, which forces its opponent to raise the magic of its game to a higher level if it is to succeed.

At the very least, this is the legacy of U.S. players like Frankie Hejduk. While he might not be as talented as anyone he lines up against on the wing, he will grind them into the lime of the sidelines with his energy. And in his absence, I hope we can have more talented U.S. defenders play with half his spirit.

Although characteristics like energy and perseverance don’t always win games at the highest level, they don’t lose them either. And as the U.S. proved against Egypt, such characteristics can be as invaluable on attack as on defense. For example, Charlie Davies produced the game’s first goal with more grit than talent. And his effort was emblematic of the U.S. style as a whole. Although it lacked guile, it had a straightforward urgency and speed that necessarily put Egypt under pressure. The other two goals came from purposeful offensive surges. Although hardly flowing or dazzling, they came from clean and efficient attacks that put Egypt at the mercy of American strengths – speed and power.

It was also encouraging to see the personalities of American stars come through their shells in this game. Oguchi Onweyu dominated the air and the box. Landon Donovan attacked with tireless pace and pointed guile. And Michael Bradley put in another performance that worked towards cementing his place in the center of the midfield. A refreshing American talent, he is as gritty as he is technical. The second goal, a quick and precise combination with Donovan that ended with Bradley tucking a sliding pass into the corner of the goal, presented these attributes in one fluid play.

http://www.seattlepi.com/dayart/aponline/48537.41South-Africa-Egypt-US-Confed-Cup-Soccer.sff.jpg

Lastly, Clint Dempsey. For all his too-cool-for-school-and-defense attitude, he often appeared the most creative player in white, unlocking Egypt with a few incisive passes in the first half. And after all the criticism Dempsey endured from commentator John Harkes, some of which was deserved but much of which got comically egregious in the second half as Harkes vented biases about individual players instead of watching the game, Dempsey won the game for the U.S.. His snapping header in traffic displayed exactly the leftover determination that Harkes criticized him for lacking. It left Harkes and all the other critics struggling to capture their surprise and the improbability of the result, to revise the harshness of their reactions to the first two games.

The critics, however (including myself) weren’t necessarily wrong. This is only one win. Many questions about players and tactics persist.

But this game served to remind the critics, and the team itself, that grit or passion (or whatever other cliche you want to use) represents the one fundamental trait that the team needs to survive. All the team’s best players have it. Some could use more of it. It can serve as a baseline from which everything good springs.

Maybe all good teams need such a baseline. But somehow effort seems more crucial to the U.S., maybe because we have little else to rely on. It’s sewn into the fabric of American sports lore. It’s “Miracle” and “Rocky.” It’s a lot of elbow-grease, or maybe knee-grease in soccer’s case, and it’s lung-bursting sprints after the ball. Of course we crave flare and fluidity, more touch and guile, but as long as we have effort we know that other teams will still fear and respect us. And this is crucial to forging any sort of meaningful identity.

As Micheal Bradley said after the game:

“All the f—— experts in America, everybody who thinks they know about soccer, they can all look at the score tonight and let’s see what they have to say now. Nobody has any respect for what we do, for what goes on on the inside, so let them all talk now.” ◊

http://www.dailypress.com/media/photo/2009-02/45026981.jpg

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