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Posts Tagged Chelsea

HOW MUCH WILL HDTV AFFECT SOCCER IN AMERICA?

The image “http://www.crabrace.com/news_1.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.Bill Simmons, one of the most beloved messiahs of American sportswriting, is getting into soccer. I wish him the best, although I have a feeling he has no idea how big of a plunge he is about to take. His new attraction to the sport should make for an interesting experiment with fans of mainstream American sports. How many will he convert? How many will he betray? Also, choose your words carefully, Bill, because the already-converted American soccer fans are a tenacious bunch, like some territorial species of barnacle clinging to the charging hull of the American sports scene. We stick together, and a lot of us are corrosive bastards

Anyways, I’m intrigued by one of the reasons Simmons has repeated as responsible for his warming to the sport: HDTV. Really? Is it possible that HDTV will aid the breakthrough of the sport into the mainstream? That better definition flatters soccer more than other sports? HDTV makes anything better as far as I can tell, kind of like pot but without the neuroticism. I’m pretty sure I could watch crab races or tiddlywinks and be riveted. The subtle movements of joints, the colors, the grotesque detail. Antennae! Knuckles! ESPN looks poised to cash in on its HDTV capabilities. The Chelsea-Hull City game received a modest .2 rating, or over 150,000 viewers, on Saturday morning as a last minute addition to the TV schedule and without any advertising.

Maybe soccer does stand to gain more from this godly invention. It’s a game of subtleties. Stats tell you next to nothing. To appreciate the game you need to watch and watch closely. Only then will you be able to decide if a Drogba chip more delicate than a Phil Mickelson pitching wedge was intended as a shot or a cross. You’ll see if that grimacing player really got whacked on the ankle or if he’s just another player to add to your Pansy Hit List. I’ve always watched soccer games more like movies than sports. The game’s fluidity invites, even demands, attention. It’s a drama that unfolds in a coherent narrative, not piecemeal. This is why I’ve always liked watching soccer alone better than with friends – at least, if I actually want to watch a game. Maybe serious fans of any sport can relate. Sometimes you just want to be alone with your team or your idols. But soccer affects me this way regardless of who’s playing, regardless of who I’m with. It sucks me into its vortex. My eyes glaze over and I tune out my surroundings. My favorite people to watch games with all understand this. I don’t necessarily even call them my friends. I have “soccer friends” like one might have “drug friends”. And during a good game we’ll all slip into a gone-to-the-world daze like a group of junkies who just scored some grade A smack. We’ll talk when we regain consciousness at half-time.

As the late Stephen Wells often pointed out, American sports are built for distraction and excess, like some twisted metaphors for the country’s sensibility as a whole. On TV, their constant breaks – time outs, quarters, innings, two-minute warnings – exist as ideal vehicles for commercials. Live, they provide gaps that need cream-puff fillers – fired objects, giveaways, shaking tits and furry butts. This is something foreign friends always notice when they attend any American sporting event. “They spend so much time not playing the game,” a Hungarian friend once said at a basketball game. “I get it. You just come to baseball games to eat,” a kiwi said. I don’t mean all this to diss American sports. Actually, I guess I do, but I still like them, just for very different reasons than I like soccer. They are different forms of narrative. In most American sports, for example, excitement usually builds in segments, ratcheted up between commercial breaks like cliff-hangers on prime time television. I like that about them. You can get ragingly drunk and still know exactly what’s going on. Pay attention now! the TV or the jumbotron tells me. This is why they’re so sociable. I like going to baseball games so because they provide a chance to talk. At any given game, you’ll have over two hours of bull-shitting time. At any half decent soccer game, I’ll pee in my beer cup before I venture to the bathroom to miss ten minutes of a half.

The first weekend of the Premier League reminded me of all this – mostly in the way I remembered how much I liked watching uninterrupted soccer. Good soccer. I watched the Liverpool-Tottenham match at my dingy local Irish pub, where I sometimes brave the smell of piss-and-vinegar-soaked-wood on Sunday mornings to have breakfast and crank the volume of the flatscreen in the backroom. I was so consumed by the game that I didn’t want to look down to size up a bite of my egg-piled English muffin. I could manage only the coordination necessary to take intermittent sips of stale coffee. This is just right, I thought. Sharp angles and deft turns stitched my heart to my mind. My coffee tasted better than it should have. An ocean of green swelled and contracted with the quiet heaves of my chest.

And I’m pretty sure that this game, on Fox Soccer Channel, wasn’t even in HD (as Fox has yet to roll out their HD option). If it was, I might have cried. OK, that’s an exaggeration. But, in such a harmonious moment, I might have at least sworn off American football.◊

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HOLY CRAP, HAS ANYONE ELSE NOTICED WHAT MANCHESTER CITY IS DOING?

Manchester City is like a black hole that has opened up in the fabric of the Premier League. Sucking mass, masses of expensive players and media attention, it leaves many fans unsure about how to approach the club’s awakening and limitless powers. Some laugh. Some wince. Most shake their heads, confused and afraid, especially those millions of fans of any of the now comparatively-less-rich Big Four, which constitute most of the Premier League fans here in America and elsewhere outside England. This is understandable. Manchester City’s profligate spending has driven up transfer prices, undermined other teams’ prized resources, and presented a serious threat to the Big Four’s establishment and their lock on Champions League places.

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However grotesque City’s expenditures seem, I say come with them! Pour on the gravy and turn up the heat! Or something like that. Modern soccer welcomes lavish spending to create a better and more attractive product. And City is relishing the chance to revolutionize a club overnight. Whatever their history, teams that spend more succeed more, with very few exceptions. This gets truer and grosser every year. Although soccer is a team sport, it is also as pure a “players’ sport” as exists. Put the best players on the field, you win. At least, I’ve always thought so.

City is gleefully testing this “theory”, as Chelsea did a few years ago, before a few years of success ingratiated that club into the Established Order. Unlike Chelsea, however, City’s is playing with capital as liquid as oil – a very real Arabian cave of treasure that isn’t tied up in business ventures or stocks. And City’s owners are making a messier and more offensive storm than Chelsea ever did. They even had the gall to try to buy-out the Blues’ loyal captain, John Terry. They offered apparently blank checks to Kaka and Ronaldo amongst others. And I don’t blame the Al-Nahyan royal family or the club for doing so. The owners are taking full advantage of the league’s (or more generally European soccer’s) lax and negligent financial policing.

City’s unchecked injection of play money should continue a few of the league’s trends. It should continue to increase the quality of the league at its highest stratosphere, amassing talent that will ensure high-level competition and entertainment that will pay off via its worldwide popularity and increasing value. At the same time, however, it should continue to bloat the already warped financial structure of the league, further separating rich and successful clubs from the bottom feeders, the poorer clubs whose best resources get pillaged and ransacked to feed towering predators.

While it’s easy to ignore the dangers of such a naturally competitive marketplace, as long as angelic billionaires or conglomerates of millionaires continue to foot the bill for their creations, the league has seen increasing concern with teams’ financial instability. Because so many clubs need to operate at losses to succeed or even compete, not living within their means but requiring what Arsene Wenger calls “financial doping”, their financial footing appears increasingly suspect. What happens when the “doping-agent” dries up, or when the club can’t find another sugar daddy to buy, to continue to push the absurd cycle? These have become very real concerns for a few clubs while others remain naive in thinking that insolvency can’t happen to them.

So how long can this last? I don’t know, and that’s for brighter economic minds than mine to figure out. I’m just hoping that City’s absurd spending, which clearly functions as the most effective and easy path to success, will prompt more debates about the league’s financial stability vs. its competitive stability. And hopefully financial reform will follow. It promises to be a complex and painful process, but it is a necessary one if we truly want more than the same richest few teams to have a shot at winning anything.

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In the meantime, I’m not the only one curious about how messy City’s twisted project will get on the field. Some are already predicting a debacle, laughing at City’s illogical and unsystematic acquisitions. I’m not. I’m impressed that City snatched the caliber of players it did – a few world-class misfits and a few stalwart players who pledged their loyalties elsewhere until … wait, so I could like buy a Bentley and a Burnley? I’m also rooting for the backwards way City built a team, from front to back. This flouts most conservative conventional soccer wisdom, which relies on the tired cliché that defense wins championships. Of course, City’s coach Mark Hughes has admitted that he still wants another world-class central defender like Everton’s Jolian Lescott, and he still might get one. But right now he’s got such a surplus of attacking talent that he’s loaning startlet strikers like Jo and Daniel Sturridge to his competitors, Everton and Chelsea. How the hell is he going to make room for Emmanuel Adebayor, Carlos Tevez, Roque Santa Cruz, Robinho, and Craig Bellamy? Not to mention Martin Petrov and Sean Wright Phillips and Steven Ireland, arguably City’s best player for the last two seasons.

Such a top-heavy team needs streamlining to wield itself effectively against the organized defenses of the top four. But even if applied with childish whimsy, such a swirling mass of talent and goal scoring credentials should damage the best teams in the league. If applied with enough precision and restraint, then City has the firepower to crack the top four. But I’m just as curious to see if the arms race that Manchester City has amplified will prompt the sport’s governing bodies to make a more earnest effort to streamline financial structures and policies. Somehow I think this is less likely. So lets all appreciate the chance we have to watch money burn in all its sparkling and time-searing glory … ◊

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THE GROWTH OF ^EUROPEAN^ SOCCER IN THE U.S.

And Why It’s Probably OK

Ah, summer soccer in America. When we can finally kick back, crack an ice cold Miller Lite, and take in some of that industrious Major League Soccer all of these scallywags have been talking about … oh you’ve got Stella? Wait, Barca’s playing? Maybe next year….

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In a lot of ways, foreign club tours of America have exposed just how secondary MLS’s secondary status is – even in its home country – compared to foreign soccer. To accommodate big-market European teams, MLS clubs rearrange their schedules and literally roll out lush grass carpets at the feet of foreign royalty. Small tribes of MLS fans stomp their feet and thunder sticks in frustration while fans pack one American stadium after another to drool over the likes of Inter Milan, AC Milan, and Chelsea. While MLS attendance stagnates. While television ratings even drop.

Some MLS fans, like Kartik Krishnaiyer over at MLS Talk, get pretty pissed about all this. Here’s a chunk of a recent diatribe:

Fans of the beautiful game believe anything that happens to have an American flavor is somehow tainted, even though many of them have not given the American game a real opportunity. People claim to support the game but yet turn their backs on their own domestic leagues and national team without really ever really developing knowledge about them.

We hear “fans” bash CONCACAF and the quality of the opposing national teams when they have not taken the time to watch Panama, Honduras or Jamaica play. Their judgments are not independent but reflect a peer pressure from “educated” fans of the game and certain elements of the press as well as American based bloggers who ignore the domestic game.

I do not fault ESPN for showing these games. They have learned through the hard knocks of MLS’ absolutely pitiful TV ratings, as well as a decline in USMNT TV ratings over the past several years (until the Confederations Cup, of course) that European football sells in the US. But I do fault those “fans” that seem oblivious to the game in this country acting as if the next few weeks are the greatest in football for this country. Those “fans” are among what is holding the game back here in the United States.

I want to give Kartik and all like-thinking MLS fans a big hug. I feel their pain. I understand the frustration and even anger Krishnaiyer feels toward Europhile American fans who look down their toffee-smeared noses at American soccer. I understand wanting to shake the glassy-eyed twinkle out of the eyes of casual fans who don’t realize that they could watch MLS or USL teams outside their back door.

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But I don’t really understand the way some hard-core MLS fans have framed a battle between true American soccer fans and pretenders. Can someone explain to me how more exposure to the game, especially such a high quality brand of soccer, is bad? Should we stop importing foreign beer because it’s better and undermines our domestic product? And should we blame those who want to pay to drink it.

Importing a refined foreign product should help American soccer fans, of which MLS fans represent only a small subset, continue to develop a realistic comparison to their domestic product. It should help erode the snobbery and ignorance of American fans, or at least it will as long as American soccer continues to close the gap that separates it from Europe (another touchy subject that I won’t get into right now). Fans will see Seattle play a fiery and even game with Chelsea for 90 minutes, despite losing 2-0. They will watch MLS games held as part of double-headers after Barcelona and Milan games. And some on the cuff will be converted when they realize, yeah, American soccer is bad, but you know what it’s not that bad goddammit, or at least not bad enough to ignore. They will think, it’s kind of like American beer – cheaper, grittier, and a lot less pretentious. Then again, you’re probably right Kartik. A lot of American fans need a slap in the face.

Is Soccer the New Poker?

This isn’t necessarily a new era for American soccer. But it does seem like a new era of marketing and exposure for soccer, mostly foreign soccer, in the U.S.. Although America has accommodated foreign clubs for centuries, we’re seeing foreign clubs exhibited and marketed like never before.

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I grew up watching as much scrambled soccer as porn on television. Kids these days have it easy. Both porn and soccer are readily accessible. ESPN and Fox continue to increase their soccer coverage – mostly of the foreign game. They’re not dumb. Demand exists, and it exists because these leagues are the tits.

For this reason, EPL teams will probably become household names before domestic teams do. It’s already happening. Teenagers bounce out of bed to watch Chelsea games. College kids pass out with a Fabregas through ball sliding its way into their dreams. MLS fans need to accept this no matter how much it hurts. More European soccer won’t necessarily help MLS attendance or TV ratings. It might even hurt our domestic game’s ratings. Like, I won’t be the only one watching Tottenham vs. Portsmouth on Saturdays instead of Dallas vs. D.C. United. But this is how the game will grow here in the long term, with impressionable youngsters emulating swarthy icons with slippery last names. These icons might be a little more flamboyant with prettier hair than the ones we’re used to, but they’ll have to do in the absence of any truly magnetizing magicians in the U.S. Sorry Beckham.

While we wait for them, our domestic game will grow, slowly. And we will send our best players to Europe. And we will bring European players here to go to seed. And we will watch MLS during halftime of replays of Premier League games. And we will grow toward a foreign sun. Meanwhile, the home roots of the game continue to squirm beneath us, live and hungry and waiting to recognize their turn.◊

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REFEREES: GODS PLAYING THE FOOLS OR FOOLS PLAYING THE GODS?

Or, A Post Kind of Like The Last One, With Different Words

“The losers owe their loss to him and the winners triumph in spite of him. Scapegoat for every error, cause of every misfortune, the fans would have to invent him if he didn’t already exist. The more they hate him, the more they need him.”

- Eduardo Galeano, Soccer In Sun and Shadow

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Referees lie at the center of the game’s most cruel paradoxes. They are the only true gods of the field. And they get harassed like goobers. They exist to uphold justice. And they get booed like villains. This is true in almost any sport. But soccer refs get unusually harsh treatment. In a Times Online article, one of the more poignant pieces written this past week amidst grapeshot attacks on referees around the soccer world, Simon Barnes describes how “It’s simply not in football’s nature to respect referees.” He puts refs under the same category of ‘necessary evils’ as taxation and traffic cops. We need them, but ideally they wouldn’t exist. Barnes implies that we don’t need to respect refs, just accept them and the imperfect reality they represent. I agree, sort of.

While Barnes touches on the central paradox of the refs’ place in sports, which Eduardo Galeano nails in a vignette in Soccer in Sun and Shadow, dismissing these brave soul as “unrespectable” provides too black and white a framework to gain a sensitive understanding of their place in the game. ‘Necessary evils’ shouldn’t be dismissed or simply accepted, but understood and harassed and improved. As we might care about the way government spends our taxes, we need to examine the way refs impose their powers. In addition to considering referees buffoons, we need to consider how we might, in a more perfect world, respect their work. In other words, we don’t need to respect them, but we need to understand how we could. This might seem like a meaningless or nitpicky distinction, and maybe it is. But I believe it’s crucial to the integrity and force of the game.

Too often refs bear the blame, from players and coaches and fans, for clubs’ failings. They also too often get granted immunity, from the organizations and associations that employ them. Both sides are equally right and wrong. As Galeano says, refs get treated unfairly as the “scapegoat for every error.” But they do decide games. They award decisive penalties and free kicks. They waive off goals. Their whistles collide with the game’s weather patterns to create fateful winds that can upend a ship or carry it to safety. Although refs can act like “outsiders” to the natural rhythms of the game, like Simon Barnes suggests, they are just as embroiled in the drama as the players, and sometimes just as responsible for the way it plays out. They try their best to preserve the game’s natural rhythm, but they also have a duty to control that rhythm, which in ref-speak involves “feeling the game” and “pulling in the reigns” if it threatens chaos. The main problem for the ref is that, in soccer, determining the right decision, or the right pull of the reigns so to speak, can be next to impossible. Everybody, from players to managers to fans, knows this – even if they refuse to admit it to protect their own biases or the sanctity of the game in which they invest so much. As Fredorrarci made me believe in a recent post on The Run of Play, justice loses its clarity in an environment that encourages players to do anything to survive, to claim cheating honorable. Players will seek any advantage that the laws of the game allow. They cheat. They dive. They deceive. And all the while they scream bloody righteousness. The ref, meanwhile, tries to cling to some higher ideal of Justice by enforcing the Laws of The Game, which in theory exist to let the players determine the game’s result. But when players willfully undermine these laws, the ref has the impossible duty of damage control, of separating cheating from cheating more, false from falser.

If refs don’t deserve our respect, they at least deserve our pity. But we don’t see much of this either. The only thing we hate more than the cheating player is the ref who allows the player to cheat, the one who misses the call. “Why can’t they see what we see?” we wonder in smug congratulation of our keen observatory skills, watching a botched offside call from a birds-eye view in our recliners, or rewinding a slow-motion replay of Fletcher’s leg bending like a proboscis to nectar around Fabregas’ knee. We swear and shake our heads and blame the ref for “ruining the game.” And he does, in that he fails to uphold the rules.

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At the same time, though, the ref’s fallibility springs from the purity of the same game he supposedly tarnishes. Namely, the dramatic heart of soccer depends on the mysteriousness of its own laws. A ninety-minute passion play, the game runs via rules that reasonable men consistently interpret in contradictory ways, even if they’re sitting in the same bar watching the same replay and wearing the same jersey. This drives the bloodletting tensions of the sport. Many sports suffer from such uncertainty, but soccer’s low score-line and harsh penalties lend immense weight to ref’s decisions. Games can, and often do, come down to one soul-crushing call. This happens in sports like basketball and baseball too, but a few extra free throws or an extra strike call seem inconsequential when compared to a game-deciding penalty kick. And one could easily argue that soccer’s rulebook leaves more up to interpretation than any other sport. Its language invites uncertainty. Did the hand “move toward the ball” or the “ball toward hand?” Did the attacking player “interfere with the play” or “gain an advantage” enough to be called offside? Did the player make an “attempt to play the ball?”

The deep-running uncertainties of the game buoy the central arguments both for and against using technology to aid refs in their decisions. Instant replay, which would allow refs the same birds-eye view we’re afforded on our couches, would undoubtedly correct some bad calls. That it could do so in a relative instant, with one quick look at a monitor – at least regarding offside calls – gives it wide appeal. But using replays would also magnify the game’s indeterminate core. Take the Chelsea-Barcelona second leg alone as a model. Would seeing instant replays help you call a handball on Eto’o? On Pique? Was either intentional? Does it depend on the circumstance of the game, the nature of the singular game under scrutiny? Do you want refs to stop the game while vacillating over replays to make an ultimately arbitrary decision that they made adamantly within the run of play?

Preserving the game’s flow seems as true to the game’s laws as getting the laws right. In the spirit of the game, we want the players, and the ref, to determine results on the field and in the fervor of the moment and not after-the-fact. And so we accept the natural human fallibility of the game – that refs make false decisions, and also that players’ duplicities con refs into making false decisions. The weakness of the game’s rules lets actors rule the game. If players are savvy enough actors to fool the refs then more power to them. When refs pretend that they know the call then they have a much tougher audience to fool: everyone else.

The game’s flaws give it an overwhelming humanity that creates real drama. It gives us entertaining battles between cowardice and bravery, villainy and heroics, ignorance and insight, and everything in between. Tangled inextricably in this drama, the ref is somewhere between an actor and a director. He is the head stagehand for a performance that he doesn’t know. The sport benefits immensely from those refs best able to interpret the drama as it unfolds, to untangle the game’s angles in a way that gets them wrong the least. The best refs are the ones that truly let the players win or lose, the ones who erect the lights and walls in the right places, to let the players express themselves in the cleanest and most uninhibited way.

Maybe I’ve been hoaxed by the media or I haven’t been around long enough, but it seems like refs have been getting more criticism this year than I ever remember from players, coaches and fans alike. Are the voices simply louder now? Or is it possible that a rift has developed between the development of top class players and the development of top class refs? Maybe it was always there. Refs always sucked, and always will suck. Or maybe developing top class refs has proved a more difficult process than we’ve ever cared to admit given the resources and the measurements of success we currently use.

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I don’t know how rigorously FIFA and other associations train referees, but we need to set standards that compare more favorably with those required to play professional soccer. Soccer’s governing bodies should poor money into referee development like they do into player development. And refs should make millions more than they do now if they can prove the worthiness of their performances by measurable standards like post-game video reviews (when possible). This is problematic both because of the slippery rules of the game and because few people want to go into officiating. Simply, the job just seems like a bitch. Simon Barnes is probably right that we will never truly respect or cheer refs, but we need to try to make them more respectable. Otherwise the game that we love will lose a crucial element of believability and meaning at the most competitive level. We don’t necessarily need to believe the ref, but we should believe in his purpose. We don’t need to respect the ref personally, but we need to respect his job.

How? We need to make the job more respectable, however possible. For starters, by using better training standards. Refs should have the eyesight of fighter pilots. They should have the fitness of marathoners. They should be much younger, on average, then they are now. And lets not stop there if we want to be serious about this. Refs should receive rigorous training in physics, physiology, and psychology so they can better tell the difference between a dive and a foul, hear the difference between cleat-ball and cleat-shin. Linesmen should have advanced conceptions of time and space so that they have the ability to see two events happening simultaneously and forty yards apart from one another – the ball getting struck and a striker darting behind an offside trap.

I’m only half kidding. If refs deserve to play on the same field as world-class athletic specimens then their performances deserve to be held to the same rigorous standards. Where are these standards? Who is setting them? Where are the computer programs that can set the curve for humans to outdo? We have turned star athletes into superheroes, who can dodge and dive so quickly and skillfully that slow-motion cameras can’t catch them. Now how can we create better superheroes, or supervillains, to police them?

At the same time, this won’t help at all. Creating better refs, even half-cyborgs with radar-enhanced-zoom-lenses for eyes, won’t save them from the limitations and blame that they have always faced. While we still have human referees acting in the topsy-turvy drama that is soccer, and I hope we always do, then we can only try to understand them as men, as humans performing an impossible task. We should make it a civic duty to pay attention to refs’ performances, to criticize their failures but also to praise their best moments, giving them the feedback necessary to improve, to stay modest. Media and leagues do this, but not enough. Too often leagues defend their employees while everyone else lashes them. Lets try to gain a mutual understanding of the issues, about which we all have biases. For me, when a ref lets play carry on after a dive we should all raise our glasses, kiss the screen, and voice our pleasure with this adroit fellow all over Referee Rating websites. Just like when we see a player shrug off a tackle that he could have easily leveraged into a free kick. These are true acts of heroism.

They might never happen in the same game. But I hope. I hope. And when they do please wake me up so I can pay my respects.◊

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TRAGEDY OF CHELSEA [ACT IV. SCENE III]

KING GUUS, DROGBA, TERRY, LAMPARD, CECH, ESSIEN gather in locker room after loss to Barcelona.

DROGBA
Disgraced! Disgraced! Whofore will set it right?
Fouled more than Ceasar, bloodied more than Prometheus!
Pilloried by the dark lord Ovrebo.
I bear lashes of a whipped horse’s hide.

KING GUUS
Perchance I err, but I fail to see them.

DROGBA
You would butfore the toughness of mine own.

KING
Quiet fool. Even toughness betrays its husk.
Twill ripen then decay with time, like fruit
Devoured by yellow maggots, frenzy fed
On the honey of purpose and desire.

TERRY
But King, you speak as if we bear the blame!
But for this loss I’ll not the burden take.
Evils beyond time did undo our game.
Ovrebo shall taste my boot’s rapier!
We will have our destiny again to steer.

LAMPARD
It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves!

KING
Then perchance you should watch how you hold it.
The Spaniards cradled the orb like a golden child.
You kicked her as if a ragged bastard.

LAMPARD
All that glitters is not gold.

KING
That thought less aligns than Overbo’s calls.
Do we house a traitor amongst our ranks?
I know no more right from seems, sense from dreams.
Day from night, earth from hell. Oh, stuck am I
Betwixt deity of dowry and of death.

[Enter BALLACK brandishing FIFA Rulebook in hand.]

BALLACK
Betrayal! Our case as clear as the Rhine.
[Reading]

“Penalty: When hand moves toward the ball, not ball towards hand.”
Ha! My strike had eyes for goal if not deflected.
A rank official this sacred ground infected.
To lop his arm would not our justice serve.
We must appeal to law for vengeance true!

DROGBA
Oh! No longer will I play this game so cruel.
Its laws more disloyal than the wrankest whore.
Crueler too, as losing any beauty
Could never your heart so painfully kill.
Is there nothing in this world to ease my pain?
No drug, nor food, nor death, nor dream, nor love.

LAMPARD
Love is the most beautiful of dreams
And the worst of nightmares.

ESSIEN
[Sharpening spear]
[Aside]. King is right. I cannot tell women from men.

BALLACK
Comrades! Join me, with the power of your pens.
We shall march to the battlefield of paper and gavels.
Who shall come swift to the Swiss office tonight?
We need to act swift or rust our edge.
I shall type an appeal so sharp as to give Gods fright!

[Ballack exits]

TERRY
Laws be damned; they strip us our will.
Tis time we drown the rat with our own hands.

ESSIEN
[brandishing spear].
Arise! Follow me with the spirit of fire
Swirling wind-blown o’er the dry prairie
To choke them fore breath, blind them fore sight.
Hasten we must to Ovrebo’s domecile,
Like the West winds we chase the dawn. To Norway!

KING
Calm. Haste your reason doth burn to dust.
Be patient as we wait for the strike,
Cool snake coiled in grass with poisoned tooth.
Fans talk of doing the deed in our place.
Perchance we should wait to see how this plays.

TERRY
Patience! We tried this gainst even ten men!
Watched our house burn whilst we swept the pantry.
Methinks our King’s will wilts like the grass you love.
No longer will I wait. Brave Essien!
Into the fire I follow your lead!
What say you Cech, Lampard, Drogba?

LAMPARD
Smoke on the water, fire in the sky!

TERRY
Soothe mate. We should travel not as the Blues
But in disguise as peasants, hooligans.

CECH
Is fire more dangerous than soccer?

DROGBA
Yes. Yes. I shall fight for all that is right.
But who will stop the game when I fall?

[Exeunt Essien, Terry, Lampard, Cech, Drogba].◊

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WHAT BARCELONA – CHELSEA MEANS

Language and Contradictions in The Beautiful Game

The Barcelona – Chelsea game tomorrow is one of monumental implications. It might affect our conceptions of the game’s aesthetics, morality, and function. Don’t believe me? Check out all the philosophizing, pontificating and aggrandizing going on about the game in columns, soccer-culture blogs, and chat rooms the world over. In every imaginable language, fans are quoting Shelley to Garcia Marquez to Galileo in desperate attempts to place this game within an appropriately abstract and meaningful context. However trifling or hyperbolic, though, the narrative of this debate touches the core of the contradictions that drive the Beautiful Game.

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Barcelona, a team steeped in vibrant Catalan culture and a history of stylish soccer, have understandably staked claim to an abstract moral high ground over Chelsea and the cowardly/negative tactics the Blues employed last week in the team’s first Champions League clash. As compared to the more mutable and calculating identity of Chelsea, Barcelona represent a heroic form of beauty. They cling to a form so pure that after the draw in the first leg many have questioned whether Barcelona falter by focusing more on achieving this ideal of the game than on the game’s purpose, ie. winning.

This notion has caused some serious discussion about the tensions between form and function central to the Beautiful Game. The main tension is this: As a competitive game, soccer functions via the one utilitarian goal of winning, but the game attracts us and resonates with us not because of results but because of its form. This can be true of any sport, but especially soccer for reasons that books have been written about. Brian Phillips probably hit the root of the matter when in a second post on the topic he said this: “The two words in the term ‘beautiful game’ are always struggling against each other in some ways, but they have to coexist. That’s why, for me, the necessary dream is to find a team that resolves the tension, that plays beautifully and coherently and defeats both the chaos of the game and all the studs-up, 10-men-behind-the-ball bullies who try to stop it.”

I think this is the dream for most of us (except maybe Chelsea fans and stubborn fans of the Premiership who, given circumstances, might not be able to admit it). We want a team’s function to grow out of its form, or vice versa. We want surreal and fluid soccer over calculated tactical positioning that stifles the organic nature of the game. This isn’t to say that defensive soccer cannot be beautiful, or that the tearing pace and sharp angles of the Premiership do not give it a form. But its form, both sleek and powerful, is somehow too real, too adaptable, too logical in the way it works to have the same kind of soul-lifting warmth as Barcelona’s. Barcelona plays like a dream. And us romantics want our dreams to bloom, to become more real. We want them to mean something. Right now, for those who pray to the lyrical Gods of the game, Barcelona represent a team on the trembling verge of a clarifying coherence between both form and function. For this reason, Barcelona’s season has taken on much more significance than results. They are playing for immortality, to uphold a form that fans might remember as it: the most beautiful soccer ever.

A team in the truest sense, this year’s Barcelona team plays a game so deft and connected that you don’t want to touch it. Their goals hang like dewy webs, too fragile and perfect and mysterious to replicate. Then you see another one, and another. They play whole games that hang together like the most illuminating prose of this, or any, language. As Phillips suggests, their artistry eschews the way most teams rely on, and adapt to, the game’s inherent elements of chaos and entropy. While big-money Premiership teams tend to employ negative defensive schemes, while they openly commit fouls to break up attacks, while they hammer the ball over-the-top to over-priced strikers in the hopes that one defensive mistake will change the game, Barcelona weave every stitch in time and space. They score despite perfect defenses. Not only do they control the game’s order, they create it.

Barcelona have scored a stunning number of goals this season by passing the ball into the net, as if they knew the result before it happened. They know where they want the ball to go and how to put it there, eventually and exactly. As Joao Jorge suggests in a recent response to Brian Phillips’ posts, Barcelona present “the possibility of truth in the random and chaotic world of a game.” I agree.

Jorge also suggests that Barcelona are “attempting to create a new paradigm of football. To create a dominant team from the front. Their success may force a rupture in the interpretation of the rules of success in football.” While I agree that in winning Barcelona might change the way we view success in modern soccer, the underlying force beneath such a change doesn’t represent anything new. It stems from an old faith in attacking soccer that not only deserves to re-emerge in the modern game, but needs to triumph for the game’s sanctity and progress. Soccer America’s Paul Gardner has been preaching such faith for a long time.

For the faithful, attacking with the right blend of touch, guile and pace produces at once both the most entertaining and effective version of the game. Jorge himself points to the way older Barcelona sides played inspired offensive styles. For example, see their 2006 team or the team in the 70’s led by Cruyff and Guardiola. There was also Arsenal earlier this decade, and the many incarnations of Brazilian and Dutch sides throughout the 60’s, 70’s and 90s. Some won. Some didn’t. These teams had flaws (not all of which were defensive, which I’ll attempt to address in a future post) but they all honorably strived for some immortal truth in union between form and function. Like all of us hopeless soccer-romantics, I hope Barcelona can win in a way that will help us more fully realize these truths. As Jorge suggests, although Barcelona are riding the wave of an old idea, they offer the possibility of changing the way we look at the game.

The only right way for Barcelona to achieve immortality would be to win. As Jorge suggests, “Barcelona is trapped in its own rhetoric of moral cause.” The truth behind their style is as important as winning; But you can’t achieve the first without the latter. This points back to the central paradox of the form/function relationship. As much as we pray the two work together, they can’t, in any perfect sense. This is because no matter how much Barcelona illuminates the game, no truth can overthrow the game’s fundamental entropic nature, the element of chance that ultimately determines wins and losses, the flawed and contradictory black and white terms that give the game definition and weight. In this sense, soccer creates a paradox much like the paradox of language that so many postmodernist authors point to. Soccer, caught in reflexive web similar to language itself, allows us to create order and beauty and even truth out of chaos – if only for fleeting moments. But such order can never transcend the laws of the game. Rather, it depends on the game, the rules and chaos it provides and allows, to mean anything. Truth means nothing without nothingness.

I’m not calling Chelsea evil or the equivalent of the Dark Side or anything. Their winning just means a less beautiful future, even if we can never know this future’s meaning.◊

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Afterthoughts

Maybe each league, each team, is a different form of language. As Brian Phillips suggests, Barcelona could easily represent some effusive romantic poetry. Like Shelley or Keats, they are at once visual and sensual and mysterious. If this is true, then what are the Big Four Premiership teams? Against the gushing narrative of Barcelona’s intricate passing game, they appear more results-driven and fractured modern art forms, whether visual or literary. Maybe Liverpool are the blockbuster movie of a bloodied heroine down but never out, guns taped behind its sweaty back. Chelsea are the serial TV drama, with a revolving cast of actors and writers and interweaving plotlines. They will stoop to any level for ratings, as long as they deliver enough juicy drama to make us believe in the promise of more. Manchester United are somehow the Avant Garde flick that succeeded in the box office, a Coen Brothers film, safe form the snobby criticism of the other two, more powerful in effect but possibly no more brilliant. Or maybe each of these teams has a counterpart in modern literature and I’ll have to do some soul searching to see if Cormac McCarthy really writes most like United play.

All I know is that watching Chelsea refuse to play against Barcelona in the first leg was like trying to read poetry in a movie theatre, through blinding strobes of explosions while buttered popcorn and Coke spilled onto the pages. It was like trying to complete a word jumble for a non-existent word. It was like looking at stars from underwater. It made me wonder: is hoping for Barcelona to win like hoping younger generations of children retain a love for reading, for the playful but deeper truths of words? Or is this over-dramatic and absurd? Hopefully, I’ve ballooned the meaning of this game too far out of proportion and reality for anyone to say anything else of any meaning.

It’s fucking huge.

I could probably explain all this a little better. For those interested, Brian Phillips’ posts on these matters are pretty damn illuminating. And Don Delillo wrote a twisted book largely about the above topic called End Zone, except it uses American Football, instead of soccer, as a vehicle to explore the paradoxes of language and a whole lot of other apocalyptic and ascetic and head-bending shit.

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6 + 5 AND THE CELLING OF THE HIVE

Why FIFA’s 6 + 5 Rule Represents The Wrong Fight Against the Globalization of the World’s Most Global Sport

FIFA’s proposed 6 + 5 rule is supposedly gaining traction. The law would require club teams to start a minimum of six players eligible for the national team of the country in which they play. This would affect the way the world sees, plays, and relates to the game – in a scary, and undetermined, way.

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The guiding principles of the 6 + 5 rule puncture some of the softer spots in my already gooey emotional attachment to soccer. In theory, the 6+ 5 rule serves to improve the financial and competitive equality of club teams while protecting the national identity of those teams, and by association the identity of the national teams they feed. This sounds good. But the proposal doesn’t suggest a sensitive or realistic understanding of its own implications. Beneath FIFA’s ideal portrait of improved “equality” and “competition” lie vast questions about the proposal’s economic, moral, and cultural shortcomings. As FIFA and the European Union work out the crucial details and lawfulness of this proposal, maybe the argument will become more clear and convincing. Right now, it isn’t either, in principle or possible affect.

The 6 + 5 rule would shackle the international marketplace of soccer by design. I doubt that placing such limitations on the marketplace will produce any more financial equality than the current capitalistic system of club management. How will requiring club teams to field a certain number of homegrown players force the managers of these clubs to make more frugal investments in players? Won’t the biggest and richest clubs still buy whichever players they want? Without implementing spending caps or more economic-driven incentives, FIFA seems powerless to change the deep-rooted financial inequalities of clubs. As opposed to making more frugal expenditures, big clubs will pay inflated prices for homegrown talent. Market inefficiencies will balloon. More than fans or bottom table club teams, the big winners will be vastly overpaid English players – the Michael Owens and Darren Bents – who will benefit from their noble birthplace and bidding wars that make me sick even imagining.

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Blatter seems to have his heart in the right place. He wants clubs to focus their resources inwards, on what should be the roots of their success, on developing players and national identity instead of on buying the best available talent. Overtime, this might produce more parity in domestic leagues, as more clubs develop and keep better domestic players. But how will this work when the roots of any club’s success are so clearly tied to capital? To change the roots of success, FIFA will need to change the form, or the rules, of club’s development systems. So I wonder: in addition to the 6 + 5 rule will FIFA need to include additional stipulations that wed players more completely to the clubs whose development academies they train under? Will the richest clubs start vying for national talents at younger and younger ages? Will clubs need to start signing players before grade school to best protect their assets? I worry about the gross culture of speculation and ownership such policies might accelerate.

I’m not saying that the current capitalist player-market is without its own gross inefficiencies. Inequalities in spending cash produce reckless, imprudent investments. The war-chest-sized budgets possessed by clubs like Chelsea and Manchester City have caused salaries to balloon worldwide. And that these clubs operate at losses causes concern about the economic stability of the marketplace they are producing.

There are other ways that FIFA might encourage clubs to spend more prudently and equally that don’t involve limiting players’ mobility. American policies like salary caps and revenue sharing, ironic in their anti-capitalist purpose, come to mind. Another innovative policy I’ve seen thrown around in forums is that of a “Deficit-Free Incentive,” which would reward clubs financially for prudent spending and staying in the black. For these policies to work, however, multiple different teams and leagues with vastly different budgets would need to accept the same stipulations – an unlikely event. Also, more budget-equalizing policies would loosen the stranglehold that the richest teams have on European and domestic titles. While FIFA representatives suggest they want this, proposing the 6 + 5 rule as evidence, I’m not so sure they mean it. The 6 + 5 rule might create more parity, over the long term and only with additional stipulations that castrate clubs’ spending power, or it might not. Also, losing the biggest teams from the Champions League would mean revenue losses from those teams, and therefore losses for FIFA, which depends on the cash-generating powers of those teams.

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The main argument for the 6 + 5 rule seems an emotional or moral one rather than an economic one. As Blatter suggests, the proposal would give identity and autonomy back to nation’s players and fans. Or, as Jose Mourinho says in a recent ESPN interview: “The world is global. Football is global. We cannot be too much concerned about nationalities, but I think the clubs, they must invest in their formation, in players made in the club, made in the country. I think this is also about the empathy between the team and the fans.” Mourinho, ever-political, saying nothing while saying everything, adroitly points to the tenuous balance that the proposal tries to strike between the necessity of national identity and the centrifugal forces of global appeal. Investing in national players and styles would help preserve the unique and beautiful cultures of the game. If more local players played for local teams, then local fans would feel more connected to their club and their homegrown players. At the same time, however, focusing on national culture leaves clubs disconnected from the real, world-wide marketplace.

This recalls the “Eat Local” Food movement, except it deals with humans and not vegetables. This is the problem. The nationalism that the law promotes inevitably produces an inequality of opportunity, a value that lies at the heart of the democratic world. As Brian Phillips points out in his brilliant blog, The Run of Play, the 6 + 5 rule would prevent an African or Asian player from getting the same “money, fame, and glory” as a less-talented European player simply by an “accident of birth.”

There’s also a major aesthetic argument against 6 + 5, and this is that it would immediately decrease the quality of the game at the highest level. The best clubs in the world have pooled the best talent money can buy. This talent, gelling and flowing together, produces mesmerizing soccer. The Big Four all play it on their day. And Barcelona, at least right now, plays it almost every time they step on the field. Sabotaging the talent pool’s of major clubs would lower the pinnacle of play, at least in the short term. How could FIFA divest world eyes of the highest quality game once these eyes have already seen such angelic purity of form? Is such brilliance really wrong?

The argument for lessening clubs’ talent in the short term relies on the theory that national talent will increase in the long term. Blatter suggests that redistributing the most talented players back to the clubs of their home nations will benefit the level of competition in these nations, which will produce more good players. I’m not so sure. This might be true in nations with weaker domestic leagues. But at the highest level, maintaining competition requires gathering world talent. If a nation’s best are competing against more of the nation’s best, instead of against the world’s best, how is this good for competition, and for the overall evolution of the game?

Blatter is right to point to the fading identities of clubs and national teams. This has been happening for a while. Arsenal, for example, plays with style that rejects longtime English directness and aerial attacks. They have only a few English players on their roster. They have many more fans outside of England than inside. In a way, this is sad. One of the aspects of soccer I enjoy most is the way it informs, and is informed by, national cultures. Different nations play with different styles – they identify to soccer differently.

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But I question if preserving national identity and cultural autonomy is possible in such a globalized sport. One could make a strong argument that soccer serves as one of the most globalizing forces in the world, right behind the internet itself. More than any other game on earth, soccer causes cultures to collide and interweave. It accelerates diversity and erodes national barriers to communication. For most of us, soccer has made us more aware of foreign cultures, languages, and peoples. Such awareness, placed in global context, makes us more sensitive to our own individual and cultural identity.

I fear that a law that functions to preserve nationalism indirectly, by placing strictures on players’ international mobility, stunts the game’s power to connect us all. Preserving national identity is important, but FIFA needs to rework its policy so that it more positively affects the roots of the game, more directly affects financial and competitive equality. As it stands, the proposed 6 + 5 rule would do more harm to the global game than good for any national one.◊

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CHELSEA, WILTING PANSIES

Chelsea got spanked by Manchester United over the weekend, 3-0. This morning, the soccer media took predictable shots at them.

Chelsea are done. Toast. Dried up. Scolari is a failure, and a hack. They’ll be lucky to finish third.

“The Blues’ era of prominence has passed,” declared Jorge Moran, of FoxSoccer.com.

Maybe it has. But how can so many professional analysts write off a team of this caliber? In no other league besides the Premiership does the media collect such fickle judgments and try to pass them off as certainty. Like stink clouds clinging to bathroom air, the consistency of these judgments will dissipate and guilty analysts will pretend they never made them.

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If Chelsea had won this past weekend, everyone would be talking about United’s demise.

With 17 league games to play, none of the top three juggernauts is out of the race. Any of the three teams could run the table for the rest of the year. And any of them could lose more than a few games given the increased parity of the league this year, with Aston Villa, Everton, and, of course, Arsenal, still knocking on the Top Four door.

Chelsea still possess the best goal differential in the league. This stat doesn’t automatically translate to league titles, but it has for the last five league campaigns.

Maybe Chelsea’s scoring is drying up, as many Chelsea fans feared. Anelka couldn’t possibly maintain his streaky start. And Chelsea’s reliance on two one-dimensional strikers has been exposed of late.

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But the Blues have too many explosive weapons to bend over. Drogba hasn’t even gotten started yet this season. And many of their attackers have underperformed (Deco, Mallouda, Ballack, and Kalou).

Chelsea’s dismal performance against United is definitely cause for concern. They have problems. But they haven’t failed yet.

What’s Wrong?

I think my girlfriend might have said it best: “Chelsea’s problem is that they’re all pansies … They don’t try hard enough.”

She’s right. Only United seemed capable of reaching a higher gear. They dug deeper. They wore their grit on their uniforms and their faces. While Drogba whined to the Referee after he lost the ball, Rooney would turn and give chase all the way back to his own box. While Deco hid in the shadows and threw up his hands when he didn’t receive a ball, Giggs and Fletcher slid in front of passes and runs to win the ball. Even Ronaldo, the Pretty Boy’s Poster Boy, dug in, won 50/50 balls, and tracked back.

Compared to Chelsea, United have grittier players. Evra, Vidic, Fletcher, Giggs, Park, Evans, and Rooney, (and Ferdinand and Scholes, when playing) all appear to bleed their colors. This is a testament to the type of passion that Sir Alex inculcates at his club. Somehow you don’t feel the same exuberance from the Chelsea players. Only a few fit into this category.

In the last few years, Chelsea’s superstars have developed a languid spirit that gets exposed in big games. Against lesser teams, this spirit can masquerade as style. Ballack and Deco glide around the pitch, never taxing themselves too much, or risking injury on tackles.

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Maybe this is the way these gifted athletes play the game. They play with professional calmness and finesse, naturally making difficult movements look easy. But against a team as passionate as United, their fluidity appears more listless by comparison.

United’s passion won them the game. They were first to balls in both boxes. Park Ji Sun’s hustle on the left flank opened up Chelsea’s defense and produced valuable free kicks. On the attacking end, Chelsea’s front men stopped moving. They didn’t stand a chance of cracking United’s defense.

Blaming effort sounds like a childish and oversimplified diagnosis of Chelsea’s failure. It’s the type of criticism that youth and high school coaches heap on their teams because they don’t know any better. This is true. But when teams of world-class talent lock horns, sometimes passion is the only thing that separates them. To me, it seems the only real obstacle that Chelsea has to winning the title.

Are Chelsea really not trying hard enough? Is this absurd? Can Chelsea still win the league?

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