Archive for category MLS
SHAKING LOOSE FROM THE SOIL
Posted by Cyrus Philbrick in Basketball, Brands, Kobe Bryant, MLS, Media, Style, WPS, Women's Soccer, capitalism, globalization, journalism, new media on July 13th, 2009
On Sports Blogging, Sports Journalism, and the Scary Fate of Humanity

Alright, alright, fine. Blogging isn’t journalism. Lines divide the two fields. Professional journalists get paid, for example. Us amateur bloggers usually don’t. We toil in the nervous spaces between working on the internet and “working” on the internet, or between trips to Starbucks and withdrawing more trust-fund money. Journalists still use primary sources. Bloggers use secondary and tertiary and whatever-comes-after-that ones. We comment on comments on comments, re-chewing news to spew naval gazing or attention-grubbing opinions. At the same time, the wall between the two fields has become permeable. And in many ways it’s collapsing. It will probably never collapse completely – as long as publishing institutions continue to pay to produce reputation-staking news that requires professional resources to cover. But the forces of new media (the blogosphere being an important one) are changing the structure of our journalistic institutions. They are changing the way we relate to media and the assumptions we have about the way media works, or the way it should work. The sports and entertainment industries, the throbbing-money-crazed beasts that push the forefront of this mutation, for better or worse, might also be the first ones to create new and functioning institutional (or non-institutional) models. This is something to think about.
In this era of instantaneous information and entertainment, much of professional sports journalism requires performing the same task that bloggers do. As Richard Whittall points out in a post that sparked this one: “Most of what is written in your newspaper sports section is one part news, two parts commentary, because athletic events don’t usually require much parsing out. Player goes here for x amount of money, which may have y number of implications for each party involved.” Bloggers do the same, though typically with more creative or risky opinions because why not? Bloggers aren’t beholden to the demands of editors, readers, or even advertisers. But take a look at the increasingly blog-saturated web pages of many of the industry giants to see how much the two worlds overlap. Leading sports publications have even snatched up some of the most promising talents in the blogosphere to do what they once did for free for a little scratch, I assume.
Traditionally, when sports journalists do perform some actual journalism, ie. investigations into the sources of the entertainment, they rely on access – to locker rooms and press rooms and practice fields and athlete’s phones. Such access ensures privileged knowledge, leveraged to distribute to everyone else. But such access seems more and more limited due to the complicated relationship that modern athletes have with modern media. Much of this relationship hinges on the way athletes have become brands or products whose image means everything, their current and potential worth. So as not to undermine this precious image, athletes get told what to say and who to say it to. They make contrived public or commercial appearances. They speak in sound-bytes, clichés, saying everything while saying nothing, etc. Few reporters get any unscripted access to stars. (As a side-note, part of the reason why I enjoy soccer so much in America is that such a disconnecting and money-driven process of branding athletes hasn’t yet happened here in grotesque excess, with the exception of the whole Beckham saga. But it’s coming, as soccer gets more professional and lucrative in this country, however long it takes.)
To further disconnect journalists from athletes and further level the playing field between journalists and bloggers, new mediums of communication let athletes circumvent journalists’ questions. Twitter, for example, allows athletes to speak their minds in 140-character fragments about whatever they want, whenever they want. And anyone can access these juicy nuggets. Such a technology has the strange bi-product of making celebrities more and less transparent at the same time. Tweets can offer revealing insight into an athlete’s hobbies or head beyond what that athlete would likely package into a sound byte for reporters’ microphones. Athletes can share locker-room tidbits and off-the-cuff thoughts and even breaking news. But Twitter also empowers athletes to control and moderate what they reveal, hiding behind a wall of “Pumped for the game!” quips. Maybe such control is necessary and ideal for the modern media age, giving athletes private control over a public image that all-to-easily takes on a life of its own. But the unpredictable potential of such a technology also makes employing it a tentative process for leagues and marketing executives. For bigger leagues, Twitter still seems a risky prospect that warrants vetting. (“Yo bitches, I told yal coach was a knucklefuck, always playing Karl at crunch time even tho the donk cant shoot free throws for shit.” “Bet 10 g’s Karl won’t score double digs tonight. Any takers? Karl?” “Wanna know where Karl was last nite? … Those hoes in the East River. The bump on his head. I know the real story. Hold on. TO. I gotta act like I’m pumped…”) We’d like to believe that people have the common sense to moderate their private thoughts. But I’m not alone in my curiosity about where all of this is headed, particularly as we keep developing technologies that blur distinctions between public and private, truth and fiction.
To ease our fears about the impact of Twitter, the new Women’s Professional Soccer league has embraced social media tools as valuable ones for marketing and promoting transparent communication with fans. And so far the league has used these tools to popular effect, short of allowing live streams of the girls’ post-game showers, to connect fans with the players – or at least to make fans feel more connected. Players even tweet from the sidelines. However, I’m still waiting for some shit-slinging bitch-sessions to explode between girls on the same team, or even different teams. Has this happened? Can’t the league at least stage this for some more attention or ratings? Even within an extremely small and self-contained organization, these new technologies offer dangerous possibilities.
(A quick disclaimer: If I’m totally off base on all this it’s because I don’t really follow athletes’ twitter pages, yet. But I imagine that for many reasonable sports fans, following an athlete’s blogs or tweets feeds a weird desire to feel both more and less connected to these icons. Part of us wants to see the same vapid statements that athletes give on podiums that let us know that these people are professionals and they’re not telling us shit about their personal lives or what they really think, they’ll let their games do the talking thank you very much, praise God and mom and dad. We don’t give a shit, for example, what kind of toilet paper they’re buying. We want to keep our icons at a distance, as objects of infatuation that we can laugh at for being incredibly dumb or vane or mechanical. So we can believe that at least we have greater senses of self than these over-privileged and un-suffering deities. But the strange process of idolization also means we want desperately to relate to them, to get inside their heads. We want messages that let us know that they’re actually human, and sort of funny or weird or self-conscious, sort of like us. We do care about what kind of toilet paper they use. We want desperately to see into their private lives. Oh my god, Rooney hot boxes his wife under the covers too! I knew it. All of this boils down to the way our sports-crazed culture treats sports as the only drama that matters. Possibly as part of our human wiring we have an endless desire for our drama to be more entertaining and more real. We want suffering and destruction; we want comeback stories and hope. We want tales of larger than life parties or wagers with lamborghinis on the line; we want to see cracks of vulnerability and shame blooming beneath sponsor-perfect faces.)
On that note, the problem with so many internet-spawned tools for communication is that we use them for rumor, absurd reaction, and really just straight up bull shit more than anything else. We’re all mostly commenting on the entertainment that we consume, never mind the actual products. Most of us bloggers are just information-horny parasites licking the salt that trickles down to us from the ball-sacs of global media empires. We are all semi-conscious contributors to the giant circle-jerk that is the blogosphere, vying for attention while coming up with an occasionally salient nugget that will squirm around until it dissolves before tomorrow. But this is also the brilliance of the blogosphere and the internet itself. It gives everyone a voice. And with this voice we do, every once in a while, produce valuable and entertaining opinions that blossom and evolve in beautiful and unexpected ways. We are all responsible for the glistening and gooey and transient substance we produce.
This is exciting and scary. It’s also part of the reason why major newspapers and publications, and honest to goodness professional reporting, are collapsing. People go online for their news, especially for their opinions and up-to-the-second gossip about sports and entertainment, which the internet provides in grotesque abundance. David Byrne, former Talking Heads front-man and blogger extraordinaire, asks some worthwhile and prescient questions about this. In a post considering the collapse of major newspapers, he writes: “What will happen when most of the country has nothing but entertainment, gossip, and sports as sources of information? It’s a country ripe for takeover if you ask me. A place where public opinion can be easily manipulated as long as the consumers keep buying. Blogs and internet news sites can’t fill the gap, as they don’t have the resources to sustain a team of reporters working and digging into a story – sometimes for months before anything sees the light of day.”
At the risk of sounding like a raving socialist, I would argue that we’re already overtaken. The fact that we might soon have only one or two bonafied newspapers in this country (The New York Times and the Wall Street Journal) doesn’t scare me any more than the fact that a few media goliaths already own almost all of our information outlets. But it’s probably not all as bleak as Byrne and I have made it out to be. Although some conspiracists might argue otherwise, the media conglomerates do allow for a surprising diversity of opinion under their own umbrellas. Voices undermine them from within, though they still probably reap financial rewards from this.
I also have faith in the nature of the internet, an organ that functions to decentralize control and collectivize benefits. While empowering individual expression and autonomy, it also relentlessly promotes sharing, collaboration and collectivism. We don’t have words for the perfect coherence it creates between free-market trade and socialized cooperation. It can link us all to the information and opinions that we care about most. It empowers us to sort through the daunting diversity of opinion and information that exist. It makes us accountable for everything we consume and produce. This is an awesome prospect, except that essentially everything we consume and produce is virtual, noise, without any real attached value. This sucks. And this is the problem for many of us plying our trade on the world wide web, especially for all us unattached bloggers out there, the ones divorced from any nurturing media company that sells ads to stay afloat. Very few of us get paid anything for our contributions to the communal knowledge / bull shit farm. We don’t have equitable pay models for bloggers. And maybe we never will.
But the brilliance of this whole nutty socialistic experiment is that it’s up to us to try to develop such models, to determine the nature of networks or interactions that can be more democratic and collaborative and valuable than the ones we have now. The blogosphere, or the internet in general, does this naturally. It creates democratic networks organized around an interest or an aesthetic preference or the grossest fetish we can imagine. Within these networks, the voices that deserve to get heard can get heard. And for all the bullshit that blogs produce, they also create valuable noises, leading people to other valuable noises, until we’re on the verge of … whoops, another porn site. But how do we assign any real value to this racket and how do we even begin conceiving of distributing it? Or, are we even creating any real value if we’re only furthering masturbatory discussions on entertainment? Maybe we need to further change the way ads integrate with content and individual preferences, altering the way bloggers can benefit from advertising. Or maybe we need to divorce our publishing models from advertising. Or maybe that was the stupidest sentence ever written on the internet. Do I need to start whoring myself out to fund my writing hobby? Or do I need to give up blogging, get an actually valuable tooth-and-nail trade, and start actually talking to actual people again? Where are the answers? Geniuses? Google? Microsoft? Government? Computer? Did you just call me an idiot? Dammit.◊
RONALDO VS. FABREGAS AND THE FORCES OF CHANGE
Posted by Cyrus Philbrick in Arsenal, Fabregas, MLS, Managers, Manchester United, Premiership, Ronaldo, Style, World Cup on April 20th, 2009
Placing Ronaldo and Fabregas Within the Evolutionary Trajectory of Soccer
Cristiano Ronaldo, 24, and Cesc Fabregas, 21, are emblematic of modern soccer. Barely on the backside of puberty, the two have become indispensable players on two of the biggest clubs in the world. They share boyish good looks and European-underwear-model hairdos. Despite their similarities, however, these two wunderkinds have evolved in very different ways. Together, their examples will change the sport.

When Ronaldo entered the public eye he was the cock-sure, crybaby prince— Joaquin Phoenix in Gladiator—who we, at least at first, loved to hate. He came on the scene as if everybody—referees, players and fans—owed him something they weren’t giving. He would sell straw-legged flops with a pout and wet eyes. He bickered with veteran teammates about taking free kicks. He played with a reckless disregard for fundamental soccer and the benefit of his team to show off his twinkle-toed feet and You-Tube-ready tricks.
Seething in front of televisions, I used to count his turnovers in the defensive third, wanting to get on the field just so I could break his toothpick-sized legs. I predicted that United would dump him after two seasons of painfully inefficient football. I would have.
Thank god I’m not a manager. Sir Alex Ferguson showed consummate faith in the talent, and there has never been an athlete on this planet about whom I have more resolutely changed my opinion. Besides becoming arguably the best player in the world, Ronaldo has even begun to shed his abrasive, crybaby demeanor. Taking cues from Rooney, he chases on the defensive end, even tackling once in a while. He wins headers over center backs twice his girth. He makes smart and incisive passes. And despite all the harsh tackles aimed his way, he has established himself as a relentless and surprisingly durable force.
Now everybody does owe him something, and he plays as if he always knew it, a smile-cracked pout when a defender commits a foul to prevent him from skipping to goal. None of the other superstars on his team ask questions when he lines up for spot kicks, which he snaps toward net with some freakish combination of swerve and knuckle.
During the 1998 World Cup, Adidas ran an ad in which a tour guide led the way through a future fictional player’s back yard. The guide said something like: “And this is where he perfected his revolutionary kick, the double helix.” Maybe it’s the modern balls, but Ronaldo has proved that Impossible is, indeed, nothing. In a Champions League game against Sporting Portugal last season, he scored the clinching goal with a free kick that looked as if two separate magnetic forces guided the ball, which spiraled into bottom corner of the net.
Instead of turning his moves down to make them more manageable, Ronaldo has learned to use them effectively, absorbing them into a repertoire of technical brilliance. He has made routine what were once once eye-catching tricks like back-heel through balls, behind-the-leg crosses, and behind-the-leg direction changes. They are no longer disgusting or ineffective displays of pomp. They beguile. They slice defenses apart. And kids around the world try to emulate them.
Ronaldo, like no other player in the modern game, has raised the bar of possibility. Where as a player like Ronaldinho showcases skills that those with good touch, passion, and enough time can grasp, Ronaldo’s warp-speed moves come from a more supernatural realm, where time and space have different properties than we are used to. It’s as if he’s transferred all elements of personality, some of which might have even been endearing, to the shimmering gloss of his technical makeup. As vacuous as he may be, Ronaldo suggests that in the modern game personality only slows you down. Sports evolve by getting faster, and Ronaldo has upped the anti. A hummingbird that knows no stasis, he darts sideways and then back to the same spot in a blink, vibrating above the context of a game, irrespective of the rooted defenders and teammates surrounding him.
Ronaldo also possesses a quality crucial to both his own evolution and that of the game; he is hungry. Over the past few years his facial expression during games has changed from a wet-eyed adolescent looking for pity to a moist-eyed, near-adult who knows he doesn’t need it. Maybe it’s his long-necked complexion, which brings to mind a fledgling gawking for food, but Ronaldo looks famished compared to other superstars. He doesn’t simply want the ball; he needs it for his team to win. This hunger clashes with the complacency that other superstars like Ronaldinho have slipped into over the years. While Ronaldinho’s carefree attitude may add to his magical appeal, it also makes us believe that he could do more.
Maybe Ronaldo’s transformation came as much from circumstance as from within, from playing under Sir Alex Ferguson in the Premiership, a league that doesn’t forgive complacency. The league’s relentless expectations have forced him to constantly bring his best and to keep improving. The league’s physicality forced him to develop armor. And the league’s pace made him even faster. Also, Sir Alex Ferguson has provided Ronaldo the magic combination of guidance and freedom. Ferguson has prompted Ronaldo to be more intelligent and conservative in his own half. At the same time, Ronaldo gets more artistic license on the attack than anyone in the game. Good idea. He teleports around the field, free to exploit weak points in an opponent’s defense. As a result, he took the scoring title in Premiership last year, as a wing midfielder, by an absurd margin. This year he has more quietly topped the table again.
Messi serves as the most apt counterpart to Ronaldo in the modern game. Another mutant, Messi possesses similarly freakish speed. He plays a similar position. And compared to Ronaldo’s dives and flashy moves, Messi shrugs off challenges while using simple, efficient jukes, and an innate understanding of the game.
But Fabregas counters Ronaldo on a larger, more ecological, scale. The opposite of a freak, Fabregas has no stunning athletic abilities. He is one of the most unassuming players in the game. While Ronaldo conjures some pomp bird splaying blinding feathers, as Brian Phillips suggests in his portrait of the winger in The Run of Play, Fabregas might conjure a kind of spirit-organism instead of simply an animal. A mushroom, or the fruiting body of some highly intricate subterraneous mycelial network, Fabregas seems more essential to the life of his team than any higher-order animal. He recycles errant possessions, keeps attacks alive, and gives them the nutrients to bloom. Highly sensitive to the requirements of everyone around him, Fabregas binds every element of his team together: backs to strikers, wings to wings, past to future, nothing to life.
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Good central midfielders do this. But Fabregas plays with a sort of contradictory brilliance, somehow all the more brilliant for the way he deflects attention. Instead of soaking up the spotlight when he has the ball, he deflects it in a way that forces us to pull the spotlight back, to uncover light and a connectedness of movement and understanding that we didn’t see before. While appearing every bit the pretty boy as Ronaldo, while probably wreaking just as much of gelled hair and cologne up close, he plays with a modesty that makes irrelevant any highlight reals or snap shots of his game. The fluidity of his game makes it more significant than the the sum of its parts. He makes complex plays look easy, with a smoothness that makes them mundane, as natural to his being as blinking, or pumping blood. He links these plays together, one by one throughout the course of a game, until we see the larger picture and purpose of his work and his team. In this way, he connects Arsenal and their fans as one body, as one collective consciousness of their beautiful purpose.
To appreciate Fabregas, you also need to see the context in which he plays, how he reads and pushes the narrative of any game, how he controls the ebb and flow of all the players around him. The cornerstone of Wenger’s offense, he makes Arsenal’s gears hum with a cool, measured efficiency that he holds the levers to. He links quick passes to diffuse pressure. He uses a deft first touch to evade a defender and switch the field. He slips perfectly weighted balls behind a back line. His own game has a million predecessors. And as professor Wenger’s understudy, he will test the limits of its’ perfection.
Fabregas, like history itself, is all context – the opposite of Ronaldo, whose game functions as a sum of unrelated clips. Ronaldo is one sparkling pop single after another; Fabregas is an album that reinvents itself over time. In this way watching Fabregas is somehow so much more edifying than watching Ronaldo do the impossible. Fabregas helps us better understand the game – its’ roots and its’ future – the way its’ relentless simplicity belies its’ indecipherable complexity.
As with Ronaldo, Fabregas’ accelerated development could only have come in the Premiership. He has said so himself. If Fabregas chose to stay with the Barcelona youth team, where he trained alongside Messi in the midfield, he would have had to wait his turn behind a pecking order of talented central midfielders: Deco, Xavi, Iniesta, Motta. At Arsenal, Wenger threw Fabregas into the fire. As a result, at 18 Fabregas was a man-child, one of the most consistent players in the game.

Unlike Ronaldo, Fabregas doesn’t get embroiled in clashes with opponents, referees, or fans. He doesn’t show a self-conscious awareness of the dozens of television cameras idolizing his every step. For Ronaldo, like many other players, maybe the fracases with referees and the winks toward cameras serve as evidence of caring too much. But Fabregas’ isolation from these external distractions reaffirms his Zen-like focus on himself and his place within a larger schema. When he scored the 25-yard clincher against A.C. Milan at the San Siro last year he didn’t taunt the fans or dance around the pitch. He ran over to hug his coach.
While Ronaldo might represent the game’s biggest evolutionary jump, providing new laws that require time to test properly, Fabregas reminds us all how the game can and will remain tied to the past, how it depends on the same beautiful laws it always has to move forward. If only we could crossbreed the two. Or maybe we already have, and we call him Messi…◊
2009 MLS MASCOT PREVIEW
Posted by Cyrus Philbrick in MLS on March 19th, 2009
Just As Worthwhile As Team Previews
Predicting the MLS standings is impossible, so I don’t try. Instead, I’m going to focus on the much more predictable performance of MLS team mascots, who sweat their furry testicles off for less money and recognition than the players. Actually, in MLS, some of the mascots might get paid more than the players, and some receive more recognition. So maybe we should analyze their performance a little more. Or maybe their performance actually determines the performance of the team, in some cosmic sense.
Most MLS mascots haven’t been around long enough to establish longevity or legend. But some are on the right track. As I see it, to stand the test of time as a mascot takes four things: talent, a tireless work ethic, character, and creativity. These aspects prove difficult to get right. For every “Sand Diego Chicken” and “Phillie Phanatic” there have been hundreds of failures, confused creatures, and half-ass attempts.
So without further ado here is the first installment of the 2009 Mascot Preview.
“Cozmo,” Los Angeles Galaxy

Kids love friendly aliens. The marketing brainiacs at the Galaxy must have done their research. But this alien’s past doesn’t add up. “Universally known as a goalkeeper who can stop shots traveling at the speed of light,” says the Galaxy’s website, “Cozmo has the speed and skill to play forward for any team on the planet.” If Cozmo could play for any team on the planet, why would he join the Galaxy? Also, don’t the Galaxy need a goalkeeper who can stop just average shots. And why would he wear normal soccer boots? Clearly the fastest player in the universe would need some sort of fire-resistant footwear. I’m not buying the Adidas, or are those Nikes, that he wears behind Beckham’s back? The Galaxy are a confused and floundering organization, and Cozmo serves as a synecdoche for all of their troubles. Maybe he can take it upon himself to pull the club out of the mire.
Talent (7) – Raw potential. He’s remarkably fast, though it might be an optical illusion, kind of like when Bendtner wears pink boots for Arsenal.
Work Ethic (4) – At times lethargic.
Character (3) – Confused.
Creativity (6) – As teams exhaust earthly mascots, Cozmo represents the start of the inevitable intergalactic recruiting process. You’d think the Galaxy could have done better though.
“Sparky” The Dalmation, Chicago Fire

Sparky’s got class, loyalty, and an immense work ethic. He often gets more attention than the Fire players. He should. Sparky works harder than everyone on the team, except McBride. Expect more of the same. Sparky also finds time for all sorts of community and nonprofit events. His own nonprofit, Sparky Soccer, provides children with special needs the chance to participate in the fun of sport. This is all well and good, but Sparky has set himself up for failure. He works too hard and too predictably, a little like Frankie Hejduk, like he’s been brainwashed by the MLS’ brand of direct, one-dimensional soccer.
Talent (6) – Comes from mascot-quality stock.
Work Ethic (8) – Dude is everywhere. He can’t keep it up, can he?
Character (3) – Sparky has a solid back-story. He has hundreds of friends on MySpace, which is good for his street cred. But, sometimes Sparky seems a little too pure. All of the most compelling and enduring mascots have mysterious, or darker, sides. And you get the sense that Sparky just doesn’t have what it takes.
Creativity (4) – Sparky does everything by the book. This is one of his strengths, but also his greatest weakness. He’s too predictable. And I’m pretty sure he stole his shoes from the old World Cup 94’ mascot, “Striker,” that hound dog who liked to head balls with his face. Striker should not be emulated by anyone.
“Q,” San Jose Earthquakes

This big bruise-colored ball of mystery is a newbie to the scene. He seems built in the mold of enigmatic Sesame Street characters like Elmo and Oscar The Grouch, except ‘Q’ lacks the charming character of his predecessors. Instead of exuding warmth, he leaves children confused. “Is that what a fault line looks like, mommy?” I heard one boy asked at a Quakes game last year. “Dad, are Earthquakes friendly?” a little girl asked. I pity these parents. But maybe these are the types of questions that mascots should make us ask in the 21st century, in which we need to develop more connection and sensitivity to our geophysical environment. Apparently Q takes time to teach children about earthquake safety, giving the occasional Duck, Cover, and Hold demo. Basically, ‘Q’ just makes earthquakes better experiences. Awesome.
Talent (7) – Has shown flashes of brilliance. Maybe a cosmic or geophysical event could trigger something unprecedented.
Work Ethic (6) – Good posture. Surprising range and stadium coverage. Plays with adults, drunkards, women, and children without discrimination. A perfect fit for the intimate Buck Shaw stadium.
Character (3) – I don’t know where to begin. Without any defining character traits, ‘Q’ has his work cut out for him.
Creativity (8) – ‘Q’ is an intriguing and ambiguous specimen, a possible sleeper for a breakthrough performance, kind of like the Earthquakes themselves. He’s just not convincing, yet.
“Leonardo” The Lion, Real Salt Lake
You get the sense that the RSL marketing team created Leo via some overly democratic process: “OK, it’s settled then, he should be regal. And athletic. And wise. And friendly. And cool. And goofy. A rock star. And charming.” As a result, Leo is a little too conflicted, even cold, to be a kid-magnet.
But Leo’s conflicted character also gives him a dark and tortured side that I really like. He is on the brink of falling apart. He looks torn, like he doesn’t want to be there – at the games, at the community events, in the immaculate Salt Lake parks, where he has to pretend that he pops up totally sporadically to play with kids! This kills Leo, inside. Maybe he wants to be wild, alone. Or maybe he doesn’t know what he wants. He always looks tired, like a jaded rock star performing his songs from memory, without heart or feeling, for fans that always want something more than he can give them. You get the sense that he drinks, heavily and often, after or during public appearances. All of this leaves him irritable and grouchy, prone to bad decisions that not only alienate him from his fans, but also from fellow lions. He has been seen at the zoo rubbing his bipedal ability in the face of his feline brethren. Does he do this out of jealousy, or spite? He looks wiser than he is. But this turmoil is also what makes Leo so appealing, connected to all of us, humans and beasts. He could be my least favorite mascot, or my favorite, given a slight movement in either direction, towards grave seriousness or towards ironic levity. This season should prove a breaking point for Leo. Will he reclaim the form that we know he is capable of, or will he crash and burn into despicable lawsuits and self-pity. He’s like Tom Petty in the late eighties.
Talent (9) – Yes. Maybe too much.
Work Ethic (6) – Works too hard. RSL opted to give Leo a minimalist lower body design—really just shorts and sneakers—so that he can really cover ground. But Leo looks prone to wear down over the season. He needs to recapture the joy and not just go through the motions.
Character (5) – Makes playing look a little too much like work.
Creativity (4) – I like the idea of a mountain lion from Utah, but aren’t there a few other Leo the Lions out there? Leo needs a new name and a fresh game.
“Dynamo” The Dragon, Kansas City Wizards

Dynamo has longevity and warmth. He has been around for a decade and consistently brings it on the field. He is a dragon’s dragon, lonely but not too ego-centric. Dynamo is selfless, but he also has staunch morals. You have to respect that Dynamo refused to change his name in the face of a rival club trying to usurp it. However, rumors have leaked recently about possible substance abuse. How else could this veteran maintain such a high performance? Also, a member of the Wizards grounds crew notes the dragon’s drooping face and degenerating posture, and that he is taking more frequent trips to the rest rooms during games. Either miniature dragons have small bladders, or Dynamo has a (sniff) problem. But Dynamo had as strong a preseason as ever, so maybe these are all just rumors. I refuse to believe they’re true.
Talent (8) – The Paul Scholes of MLS mascots. Or maybe the Steve Ralston. He doesn’t do anything extraordinary, but he does everything with a cutting-edge simplicity that lets him keep motoring along.
Work Ethic (7) – Questionable, for the first time ever.
Character (8) – Despite the rumors, you have to root for Dynamo. Actually, the rumors make me root for him more. The league needs Dynamo. It needs more Dynamos. The Wizards players could learn a lot from him.
Creativity (7) – Dragons are pretty cool. I’m surprised more teams don’t go with mythical or prehistoric creatures.
What do you think makes a good mascot? How do the rest of the mascots in the league stack up?◊
A PESSIMISTS DIARY OF THE MLS PLAYOFFS: ENTRY #2
Posted by Cyrus Philbrick in MLS, US Soccer on November 11th, 2008
So Holy Crap. If the first week of the MLS Playoffs didn’t kill me, then nothing will. It was like brushing my teeth for hours. Flavor long gone. Bristle on bone. Dry and cold. At least this is what the first New England vs. Chicago game felt like. It was like watching a permanent pinball game – and one with a lame theme, like “Cheers” instead of “Batman” – with John Harkes trying his best to create drama out of a game completely devoid of it:
“Not letting the ball past you is very important!” “End to end action here!”
I would have rather watched this for two hours:
Actually, I felt like I was wearing those goggles. The games just hurt my head. Is this soccer, I asked? It seems so far away. I’ve watched more exciting games of Stack-Shit-Until-It-Falls. Way more exciting.
The second week, however, restored my faith in the league. The second leg of the first round produced a bunch of compelling games.
When winning truly mattered, all teams played with urgency. Entertaining and unpredictable soccer prevailed. The Red Bulls took the game to a stunned Houston team. Chicago overwhelmed New England. Chivas threw everything at Real Salt Lake in the second half but couldn’t put a third goal in. Columbus produced a well-engineered win.
I saw players do things I never thought them capable of. Dane Richards torched the Dynamo. Yura Movsisyan became a star.
The Problem
The problem is that the playoffs shouldn’t be boring at all. The problem is that the structure of the MLS does too much to reward draws in the first leg.
I don’t mind draws. They can excite. But only if both teams are actually trying to win.
By using a strict aggregate goal count to determine the winner of two legs, the away team for the first game isn’t encouraged to score. Given that the absurd parity of MLS makes home field advantage even more crucial than it is in other leagues, it’s understandable that the higher ranked teams played for an away draw in the first round.
Chicago, Houston, Columbus, and Chivas all looked to be playing for tomorrow in the first leg, to return home with an even score line. Only Chivas couldn’t manage one because of a terribly defended 90th minute goal by Movsisyan in traffic.
What could MLS do? The set up of the knockout rounds of Champions League, which rewards away goals by using them as a tie-breaker, still favors draws in the first leg, but this format does more to encourage the away team to score.
If playoffs are truly “Do or Die,” then MLS should promote a structure that pushes this attitude. It should either switch to Champions League rules, or chuck the first leg altogether and give home field advantage to the team with the better record.
A PESSIMIST’S DIARY OF THE MLS PLAYOFFS: ENTRY #1.
Posted by Cyrus Philbrick in MLS, US Soccer on October 30th, 2008
I’m a pessimistic US Soccer fan, which makes me a typical one. We’re everywhere. We’re the ones cringing during National team games; the ones who call the 2002 run in the World Cup “lucky”; the ones who watch whatever is on PBS and then The Office instead of the Thursday Night MLS game of the week.
I’ve tried to watch MLS. Every year I make a pact to become a serious fan. And every year I fail. Watching American soccer just isn’t good for my stress level. I end up with sweaty palms and sties. I start questioning American ideals like efficiency and work ethic, rethinking the founding ideals of our nation.
But I realized recently that I’ve been going about being an American soccer fan all wrong. Watching MLS isn’t supposed to sweep you off your feet or sooth your soul like watching European games can. It isn’t romantic or spellbinding. Being an MLS fan is good old-fashioned American work.
American fields, grid-pocked and brown, can grate your eyes like sandpaper. Players’ first touches make you question if they have some sort of undiagnosed epilepsy.
You need to battle through these things because underneath the league’s outward appearance lies a unique, gritty, still beautiful, game.
So this year I’m going into the playoffs with a renewed sense of hope and purpose. I know that watching games at home will be work. I’ll need a bong, a Bruce Arena voodoo doll, and comfort food.
Watching games at bars will be work. I’ll arm myself with a hard hat and my meanest looking Mexican friends.
I feel a little guilty and cheap for not slogging through all the tedious games I should have during the regular season. But isn’t hopping on board the playoff-train what being an American sports fan is all about?
Here are a few reasons to watch the MLS playoffs:

In what other league could this crafty goober be such a well-respected professional.
1. They’re the fucking playoffs! They’re what make American sports great. They separate the MLS from all those leagues it hopelessly imitates. Pressure actually peaks in the MLS, unlike European leagues in which every game means as much as the last, for better and worse.
2. The quality isn’t that bad. On a good day, the speed, athleticism, and urgency of American soccer can produce awesome up-and-down stuff.
3. Foreigners. An influx of foreign talent has injected a degree of guile and grace that this league has never seen before this year. Schelotto, Angel, Blanco and Beckham dished out lessons to Americans weekly.
4. Unexpectedness. Results in this league are truly unexpected, especially in the playoffs. I’m not sure another league in the world has the same sort of parity as the MLS. Any team can win on any given night.
5. Good stories. The MLS might be the only league left in America in which players get can pulled from nowhere. Exhibit A, Justin Braun, who Chivas coach Preki found in a Men’s League in Utah. Unlike the money-saturated landscapes of football and basketball, which cause media to heap expectations on middle schoolers, American soccer still has a grassroots grit about it. Players can actually exceed expectations. Does this happen anymore in other sports?
U.S.A.! U.S.A!
I’m off to watch a decimated Revoultion squad take on a loaded Chicago Fire.




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